Your Guide to How Intimacy Coordinators Work With Actors

Intimacy onstage and onscreen doesn’t just mean scenes with kissing or simulated sex. Intimacy coordinator Stella Moss, whose credits include the TV series Sister Wives, the short film Skylight, and the stage play After Sex, lists some of the many other scenarios in which you may work with someone in her role:

• Scenes involving full or partial nudity
• Any type of physical contact, whether sexual or nonsexual
• Family dynamics, such as a younger actor working with two actors playing their parents
• Birth scenes
• Scenes related to other vulnerable or sensitive topics, such as abortion or miscarriage
• Crowd scenes involving any of the above

O’Brien describes the role as “akin to a stunt coordinator in TV and film, or a fight director,” describing intimacy onstage and onscreen as “a body dance” or “physical storytelling.”

Moss says that for every intimate action in a production, “we want to make sure that it is safe, repeatable, and effective. That’s the triad of what we’re aiming for.”

The process of every intimacy coordinator will be different, but it will cover similar ground. 

Moss says that as soon as she receives a script, she will do an intimacy breakdown, which means “going through all of the moments that could include intimacy, nudity, vulnerability,” or anything that may need support from her.

She will then have one-on-one conversations with cast members or their agents about their boundaries and how they can be supported in the work, and then come up with alternatives to anything in the script that may be in conflict. She will then create a rider outlining what an actor is comfortable with, which is not binding for the actor, but “creates a paper trail for the cast so they can refer back to it if production changes their mind on the day.”

O’Brien, who is behind the Intimacy on Set guidelines for best practice, will speak to producers about her work before working on a show, to ensure that they support her offering. 

She will discuss boundaries and consent with actors, and help set out “clear choreography” for moments involving intimacy. She advocates for doing a short rehearsal the day before a scene is shot for screen to give actors the chance to sleep on it and get used to the shape of the choreography. 

On the day of filming, O’Brien will be on hand to make sure intimate scenes look physically and anatomically correct, and to check that modesty garments cannot be seen on camera. She will then ensure that the actors are able to physically let go of the scene afterward – perhaps by shaking it out.

Both O’Brien and Moss are keen to emphasise that they are not there just for the cast, but for the entire crew.

“You underestimate how impactful something can be when you are hearing and seeing it over and over again for an extended period of time,” Moss says, citing scenes involving sexual coercion as an example of something that may be triggering for anyone involved in the production.

Intimacy coordinators may give content warnings to crew, ensuring that they are able to step away from the work that day if needed, while giving producers notice in advance to make adjustments, O’Brien says. 

“We are taking care of possible physical injury, but also emotional and psychological injuries,” she adds. 

Actor Margherita Barbieri, who has worked with Moss on projects including Skylight, says intimacy coordinators are “incredibly important.”

“Having an intimacy coordinator shifts the dynamic from something that can feel unclear or vulnerable into something structured, safe, and artistically supported,” she says. “It allows actors to feel protected, which in turn enables deeper, more honest performances.” 

O’Brien, Moss, and Barbieri all say having an intimacy coordinator is about enhancing actors’ work rather than constraining it.

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“It felt incredibly grounding and respectful,” Barbieri recalls of her experience working with Moss on Skylight. “The process created a space where everything was clearly communicated and calm.”

She says she and the other cast members were able to “discuss boundaries openly, ask questions without pressure, and build the scene in a way that felt intentional.”

That enabled her to feel more relaxed and present in her work. “When actors feel safe, they can be braver,” Barbieri says. “And when there is clarity and trust in the room, the storytelling becomes stronger and more human.” 

The processes for creating work onstage and onscreen vary widely, and intimacy coordinators must also adapt their approach. On a basic, linguistic level, the term “intimacy director” is used instead of or interchangeably with “intimacy coordinator” when referring to the role in live performance. 

“The difference with theatre is that you haven’t just got a rehearsal and then one performance on camera, but it’s to be repeated every night,” O’Brien says.

She says she will often attend theatre rehearsals multiple times, including at an early stage “to give the basic shape of a scene” and then later when the actors may understand more about their characters.

She also stresses the importance of performers doing check-ins, since things may change from day to day, such as a performer being ill. She also recommends an intimacy call before each performance to check in on the previous night’s performance and walk through the choreography. 

Moss also suggests taking an adaptive approach to intimacy onstage, and giving performers “a version of [an intimate moment] that might be ever so slightly reduced or alternative” so they are able to “feel safe in knowing that they’re not bound to doing an action night after night that doesn’t feel safe or comfortable or repeatable to them.”

On both stage and screen, O’Brien will give actors the option to call time out if they feel overwhelmed or unsafe. Onstage it may involve a safe word or physically stepping backward.

Another part of the job – unique to theatre – is working with producers and front-of-house staff to put in place protocols for how the cast will be protected from the risk of audience members taking photos of them onstage. Audiences are sometimes given stickers to cover phone cameras. 

It is not a legal requirement for a producer to hire an intimacy coordinator for a production, but the practice is becoming more widespread. The charity Time’s Up has called for it to be made mandatory to have one on set.

Moss urges actors not to feel afraid to ask for an intimacy coordinator if they feel they may need one, regardless of how high- or low-budget a production is. 

“It’s useful for people to know that you can ask for an intimacy coordinator, and you are within your right to ask especially if it’s when you’re an emerging actor,” she says. 

Both Moss and O’Brien emphasise the importance of training for people looking to become intimacy coordinators.

O’Brien runs some training through her organisation Intimacy on Set, and she is looking to launch an MA course in intimacy coordination in the future. 

Other existing training includes the National Film and Television School’s intimacy coordination for film and TV course. Many intimacy directors come from a movement director background. Some pair it with other skills, such as being a fight director. 

“I understand that training can at times be a barrier for people to get into the work, but it just ensures that everyone is having the safest possible experience,” Moss says.