Rejection hurts. Even when we know it’s coming. Even when we tell ourselves we didn’t care that much anyway. For auditioning actors, though, rejection is typically an ongoing part of the process. Even actors at the top of their game – like Amanda Seyfried, who has spoken openly about auditioning to play Glinda in the Wicked movies – can’t escape it. “You don’t need me to tell you that, as an actor, you will have to face an awful lot of disappointment,” actor Paul Clayton wrote knowingly in The Stage.
Learning how to move on from rejection is something all actors have to deal with. Accepting it – without becoming bitter or quietly convinced you’re terrible – is one of the fundamental skills of the industry. “Rejection currently defines my career, and, similarly to grief, you have no choice but to grow around it,” says actor Angelika May.
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The truth is, you’re almost never rejected face to face. Casting directors don’t call you into a room just to say no. Instead, rejection tends to arrive in one of three forms.
1. Silence. This is by far the most common. You audition, you wait, and you hear nothing.
2. An audition rejection email. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a short, polite email thanking you for your time and letting you know they won’t be moving forward with your application on this occasion.
3. A call from your agent. If you’re further along in the process, your agent may be contacted first and then call you to let you know.
All of these can sting in different ways, but try to remember that it is part of the job. “The most important thing to remember is that we are not defined by rejection; we’re defined by how we deal with it when it comes,” actor Christy Arington writes for Acting Studio Chicago.
Audition rejection is rarely about talent. “I think people are surprised that it’s so much more than an actor who seems perfect for a role based on a character description,” casting director Carmen Cuba told Backstage. “A huge part of my job involves being very deliberate in matching an actor to the elements of the piece. The director’s style, the budget of the piece, and the schedule are as important to me as how the actor performs in an audition.”
Casting decisions are made for reasons you’ll never see. It could be they need someone smaller, with a different accent, or with different hair. That doesn’t make rejection easier to swallow, but it means it isn’t a judgment based on your worth or potential.
If you want to know how to get over audition rejection in a way that doesn’t crush your motivation, structure is your friend.
1. Reframe the audition as the win.
You were seen. You were considered. You were in the room (or on Zoom). That means your materials (like your CV and showreel) are working. Casting liked something enough to bring you in. “Every opportunity is still an opportunity to show up and do my best in the moment,” says actor Anisa Butt.
2. Keep up the momentum – and learn from the experience.
Rejection feels worse when it’s the only thing happening. Continuing to develop your craft by taking a class or self-taping for something new helps prevent one no from becoming the story. “We can’t be right for everything, and as cheesy as it sounds, every no leads you to another yes,” Butt says. “Always come back to the craft. We can’t fail if we choose to be students.”
3. Use rejection to motivate you.
As an actor, you’ve got to try to find the benefit in failure. Why not use it to motivate you? “Being rejected, having a meltdown, and sort of saying ‘I’ll show you’ is a great motivator,” says actor Eleanor Hill. “Weirdly, someone else’s disbelief in me strengthens my belief in myself.”
4. Separate craft from outcome.
You can do excellent work and still not book the job. That doesn’t mean the audition failed. “Rejection from acting meant I started writing as well,” says actor and writer Julia Grogan. “Without that, I’d be living a bit of a half-life.”
5. Try to forget about it.
This is easier said than done if it is a job you really want. But the easiest way to get over an audition is to try to move on. “I try to employ a leave-it-in-the-room policy,” Hill says. “The audition stays in the room along with the rejection.”
6. Talk to family and friends.
You’re allowed to feel disappointed, but try to talk to people about it too. “I would tell myself to stay very connected to my friends and be honest about my rejections,” Grogan says. “The sharing of rejections has always led to some wild nights out and also to working with those around me.”
If the potential for rejection is starting to make you dread auditions themselves, it may be time to zoom out. Ask yourself:
- Am I tying my self-worth to outcomes I can’t control?
- Am I auditioning too much without reflection?
- Do I need a break or a shift in approach?
Go back to thinking about your craft. Take an acting class for the joy of it, or consider ways you could widen your skill set. “If I hadn’t been getting rejections from agents, I probably wouldn’t have felt the desire to write a play,” Hill says about writing Overshare. “It is good to step back and look at the whole picture.”
Grogan thinks it is helpful not to see one audition as the endgame. “When I don’t get a role, I listen to podcasts about women getting started later in life,” she says. “Sharon Horgan, Julia Davis. I do this while slathering myself in face masks.”
The frustrating thing about acting is that the only real way forward is to keep going – auditioning again and putting yourself back in the same position, knowing rejection may be waiting.
But every audition builds something: confidence, resilience, visibility. Even the ones that go nowhere. “Rejection has meant I now approach auditions with more of a let’s-see-what-happens mindset. I’m more playful now,” Grogan says. “And trust in whatever’s up there that what’s meant for me won’t pass me by.”
Remember: Audition rejection isn’t a no forever. It just means not this time. “The fear of failure is a trap. It stops us from going out there and doing what we do best,” Butt says. “Enjoy the process, because the result is such a small piece of the puzzle.”